I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
He better not be in your backpack
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Randomize
