I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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