i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
You took a bar mat shot.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I think your dad took our porno
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize