Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize