yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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