the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Randomize
