lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Randomize
