guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Randomize
