I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Randomize
