I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
