ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
