At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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