One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
is wine microwaveable?
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
