So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
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