She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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