Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
pop tarts are not kleenex
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
