I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
