I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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