I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Randomize
