Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
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