It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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