as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
i think im in europe. pls send help
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
