Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
