We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Randomize
