Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
