I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
i drank out of a bidet.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
