My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize