my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Oh god it's open bar.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
