I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
You took a bar mat shot.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
