You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
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