um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
