May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
