I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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