your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
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