She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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