but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I looked at my own cervix.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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