why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
