Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Randomize
