is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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