Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
