And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
FUCK WHALES
Randomize
