our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Randomize
