Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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