My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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