We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
