why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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