yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Randomize