ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
