No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
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