there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
4 words: hood of his car
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
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