I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
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