Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(816): View more from Missouri

I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.

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(301): View more from Maryland

Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk

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(323): View more from California

Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.

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(706): View more from Georgia

I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.

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(604): View more from British Columbia

Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.

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(317): View more from Indiana

update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.

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(765): View more from Indiana

I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.

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(613): View more from Ontario

I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.

(647): View more from Ontario

Hey, I'm your guy

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(404): View more from Georgia

MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER

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