I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
