Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Dicks are not precious.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
