Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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