mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
why does every cop we meet know your name?
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
