I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
organizing the empties. That sober.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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