I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
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