did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Randomize
