Just cropdusted the office
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
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