Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
