I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
