So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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