Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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