whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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