i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
