I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
