also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Randomize
