My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize