Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
it was like his penis was on wheels.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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