no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Randomize
