She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Randomize
