I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
handjob tips. give me some.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
