Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
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