wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
