if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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