Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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