Betty ford says i'm here all night
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
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