The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
