can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
