I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
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