I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
