Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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