this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
