i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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