So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
