I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
