and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Randomize
