the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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