i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Randomize
