I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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