you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
