I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
