I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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