So drunk its hurt
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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