The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
