shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
