your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize