fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
