I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
