Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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