it's too hot outside to masturbate.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
