aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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