There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
it's not cheating when I paid for it
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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