dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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