I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
