he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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