If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
worst night to have a conscience
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
