it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
