I didn't shave. On purpose
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
